Tales From Another 2Fort
by Doctor Wheel
Summary: All is well for the mercenaries down at Teufort, but when Respawn short circuits, all is changed. How will the mercs react to seeing their female selves from a alternate universe where everyone's gender is switched? Rated T for violence and language. Possible pairings but don't know yet.
1. Author's Notes

**A/N: So this is something I've been thinking about for a while, what happens when the mercs meet their fem-selves.**

 **But since I do not want to call them like fem-Scout or fem-Pyro, I will be giving them names for the sake of clarity and saying that is a mouthful.**

 **Their names will go as:  
Scout: Nat  
Soldier: Jane  
Pyro: Amanda  
Demo: Tavi  
Heavy: Miska  
Engineer: Destiny  
Medic: Francine  
Sniper: Gwen  
Spy: Laurel **

**Oh and another change I'm making is that they will not be exactly like the male mercs, cause why not? (ie, Jane will not be as brainless as Soldier)**

 **First chapter will be up soon. How soon? Depends on time and my determination to actually write, I'm balancing this between video gaming and life, so yeah.**

 **Till next time,**

 **-D.W**


	2. Chapter 1: Meet the Team

**A/N: I don't own TF2 or any of its character, plotline, etc. Just my OCs. Thanks to Bayoboo, Ponyboy1004, and Th3RedPyro for following and faving!**

 **Update: Revised some small things.**

* * *

"Alert! The enemy has taken the intelligence,"

"Where's your stupid crap now?" Scout said as he ran past the BLU Heavy, smashing his skull in with his baseball bat.

"Stop him!" shouted BLU Engi, who tried to shoot him, but was headshot by Spy with the Ambassador.

"Too slow!" Scout said as he ran past the battlements, knocking the BLU Sniper off the ledge in the process. He leapt to the bridge and ran across it to the RED side. He sped down to the RED's intelligence room and slammed the blue colored briefcase onto the table.

"Victory,"

"We are the best!" Scout said as he hi-fived the rest of the team. "Those BLUs never stood a chance,"

"You are damn right son!" Soldier said. "We kicked their asses right out of America and into non-America places!"

"I could beat any BLU in my own sleep, yah?" Demo said as he took a swig. "Is it me or are they handing us a win every time?"

"Who cares?" said Sniper. "As long as we get paid, I'm fine with it, a win's a win,"

"Da," said Heavy. "Little BLU cowards are afraid of giant men,"

Suddenly an alarm went off.

"ALERT!" shouted the Administrator. "Respawn is down. Ceasefire is now in effect until further notice,"

Engi sighed. "Again? Third time this week already,"

Everyone was a bit uneasy about this. Though they died on a daily basis, the thought of not coming back to life because of a malfunctioning Respawn was not easy to handle.

"Guess I'm staying overnight...again," he said as he took off his hardhat. "See you in the morning," he then walked off.

"Wonder what keeps breaking that thing?" Sniper said out loud as he watched Engi leave.

* * *

The Respawn room was a very large room with a large computer-like device in the back of it. In front of it were several pods, but the viewing glass for each were all fogged up so you couldn't see inside.

Engi groaned and buried his face into his hands for the umpteenth time. He spent over five hours looking around the Respawn room for a possible problem but couldn't find one. This happened the other two times he went down to the Respawn room to investigate the problem. He could've stopped looking, but Engi knew that this machine kept his teammates and himself alive during battle, and if it were to fail...

Engi shook his head of the thought of dying permanently and refocused. He looked around the computer once again and made sure he didn't miss anything from the first two times around.

 **Time Skip**

"Blasted piece of junk," he muttered. Engi still never found any major problems with the Respawn except for the fact someone left a switch in the "off" position. He gathered his tools and made his way to the exit.

But there was one major problem that the Texan missed: A frayed cable hidden under a nest a rat has made.

It started to spark, waking the creature, and shortly later electricuted the vermin into a smoldering wreck of what used to be a rat. The cable continued to spark before letting off a bright light which engulfed the entire room.

* * *

Now we switch over to a different place, a similar place to the town of Teufort, but has one major difference.

A universe where everyone is the opposite gender.

To clarify, in the universe we all know, George Washington led American troops, but in this universe, _Georgia_ Washington led troops to victory over the British. Instead of Alexander the Great, it's Alexandria the Great, and so on. And in this universe, gender roles are switched (I guess you can figure that out, can you?)

 **AU-Teufort**

 **Location: RED HQ**

A woman with snow-white hair slept peacefully with her head buried in her hands on her work desk. She was in what appears to be a Med-Bay of some sort with medical equipment scattered around the room. Her hair was somehow tied in a ribbon in the back of her head with a small red bow adorning it. She wore a long sleeved, white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a gray skirt, and black leggings which went into black boots.

A white dove flew down from the rafters and landed on the woman's head, and cooed softly. When it realized that she wasn't going to get up, it started to peck her head causing her to stir. She moaned softly as she sat up straight and yawned. She rubbed her eyes before staring at the bird on top of her head.

"You know that I _need_ sleep right, Archimedes?" she said with a heavy German accent.

Archimedes responded by cooing.

She sighed. " _Birds,_ " she thought as she let the dove climb onto her finger. She petted him once before letting him fly off into the cluttered room. The woman looked at the clock.

7:45

" _Good I can at least get fifteen more minutes of sleep before the others..._ " her thoughts were interrupted when the Med-Bay's double doors slammed open.

"Yo Francine, me and Amanda have a major problem," a voice with a Bostonian accent shouted into the room.

" _Or not,_ " Francine turned around to find the team's Scout and Pyro standing nervously behind her. The Scout looked almost exactly like the male Scout but she had a black skirt on and her black hair was cut short. The Pyro on the other hand looked way more feminine, or in other words curvy. She wore a rather tight fireproof suit with a harness and belt; clipped to her legs were two fire grenades. She had on the iconic gas mask, but you could easily see her brown colored eyes from the eye holes; protruding from the back of her mask was her raven black hair tied in pigtails.

"This better be good Fraude Nat," Francine said to the Scout as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "I've only got three hours of sleep,"

"Well you see," started Nat. "Amanda and I kinda wanted to pull a prank on Jane by hiding her heads from her..."

"You WHAT?" Francine grabbed Nat by the shoulders and started shaking her. "Dummkopf! Fraude Jane really likes her heads, do you know what will happen if she finds them missing? I hope you put them in a safe place, did you?"

Amanda started to twiddle her thumbs as Francine turned her gaze to her.

"..."

"You burned them didn't you?" Francine said slowly to Amanda.

Amanda opened the respirator on her gas mask. "I couldn't help it ok?" she said. "I ran out of stuff to burn and I _really_ needed to burn something,"

"Uh-d-d-d-doc-can-you-stop-shaking-me?" Nat asked.

Francine stopped before pinching the bridge of her nose. "So I'm assuming you two need replacements, yes?"

The two nodded.

"Let me check," she said with a sigh. "I'm pretty sur-"

"WHERE. ARE. MY. HHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEAAAAADS?"

"I'm too pretty to die!" Nat squeaked as she hid under Francine's desk.

Amanda quickly latched onto the German and started to cry.

Francine sweatdropped. " _And these are the people I work with..._ " she thought.

* * *

"I will rip the throat out of the person or persons who took my heads!" shouted a woman. She had on a white tanktop tucked into black pants which were tucked into combat boots. Her shoulder length blond hair flowed freely under her helmet, and her blue colored eyes burned with fury. "God DAMMIT!" she shouted as she overturned the couch.

The RED Heavy and Engineer quietly watched from the side as the team's Soldier tore up the living room.

"Mishka," said the shorter female. "Would you kindly calm Jane down?" She wore the same outfit as the male Engineer did, but her googles were around her neck. Her short brown hair barely touched her neck.

Mishka nodded and slowly made her way to the raging American. She was tall, easily passing six feet, and quite slender, but she had some muscle to her. Her light brown hair was tied in a high ponytail. She wore a red shirt under a black vest with a bulletchain sash wrapped around her, and black pants and boots.

"Is she still going through her tirade, Destiny?" a small voice asked the Engineer. She turned to find the team's Demowoman standing behind her. Her purple dyed hair was in two ponytails that came out from under her beanie.

"'Fraid so Tavi," Destiny said.

Tavi murmured something that Destiny couldn't hear as she watched Jane break a chair with her knee. Even though Tavi was the third tallest out of the mercs, her timid nature makes her one of the least threatening out of all the mercs.

"What's the bucket head shouting about this time, shielas?" asked the Sniper as she walked in and slightly lowered her yellow tinted sunglasses. Her black, waist length hair had a red highlight on the left side.

"Someone stole Jane's collection of heads, Gwen," said Tavi, shaking a bit. "Now's she's tearing up the living room and screaming like a banshee,"

"Sounds typical," said Gwen.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!" Jane shouted. She was currently trying to fight her way out of Mishka's bear hug.

"What do I do with her?" the Russian asked, her voice was barely heard over Jane's shouting.

"Just hold her until she tires out," said Destiny.

"Or I can do this," and Mishka started to tickle Jane's neck.

"What are you-" suddenly Jane started to giggle and then started to laugh uncontrollably as Mishka's tickling intensified. "OH GOD PLEASE STOP IT!"

The others were trying their best not to laugh at the scene.

After what seemed to be five minutes of nonstop tickling, Mishka let up on the torture and left Jane on the ground panting and covered in sweat.

"You-guys-are-assholes," she said in-between breaths. "Fucking-assholes,"

* * *

"Fran, how the hell, or rather, WHY do you have so much spare body parts lying around?" asked Nat as she watched the doctor toss a head into a cardboard box.

"Just in case," Francine said as she tossed one final head. "There that should be enough,"

"Thanks Fran!"Nat said as she and Amanda sped out of the Med-Bay.

Francine made her way back to her desk and plopped down on her chair. She was about to collapse into slumber when she heard a decloaking sound. She grudgingly turned to find their Spy behind her. The Spy didn't wear a balaclava but only a red colored burglar mask around her eyes. Her short red colored hair looked like Destiny's but was more poofier and covered most of her face.

"What now Laurel?"

"Oh nothing," she said with a slight French accent. "Just checking up on how you're doing, considering those nimrods woke you up,"

"No they didn't, my bird did. God I hate paper work,"

"I suggest that you should get yourself a cup of coffee, Francine. We're leaving to 2Fort in about ten minutes,"

Francine hated coffee, but if it was going to wake her up completely might as well drink it.

* * *

 **A/N: And Chapter 1 is done! Expect TLoT and Waterhole chapters to come out next.**

 **Till next time Travelers,**

 **-D.W**


	3. Chapter 2: The Arrival

**A/N: Ditto. Thanks to HeadCollector, Thanatos's Scribe, FanOfMmanyThings1 for following and favoriting!**

* * *

"All right women!" shouted Jane. "Today we will dominate the BLUs once again as we did yesterday!"

"Jane do you think you can tune it down a wee bit?" Tavi said. "Francine is trying to sleep,"

"Sleep is for the weak you black Scottish cyclops! Only men need sleep!" she said causing everyone to groan at the American.

"Sorry Fran," Tavi said to German. The RED team was currently on a bus heading to 2Fort, everyone was dressed and ready to leap into battle.

Francine hoped to get some sleep on the ride in, but she totally forgot that Jane liked to give pre-battle speeches on the ride in, and sleep was nearly impossible to achieve.

"That's ok Tavi," Francine said with a sigh. "I can cope with it," she really hoped that nothing more would happen, she tried to ignore Jane's shouting and started to drift off.

"Will you shut up already?" Nat shouted before realizing what she just said and clamped her mouth with her hands.

Jane suddenly stopped talking and a very disturbing aura started to radiate from her.

"What did you just say, Private Twinkletoes?" she growled.

"Mercy?" Nat squeaked.

"YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD!" Jane shouted as she bolted to where Nat was sitting.

The rest of the team sprang into action to prevent the patriot from mauling the Bostonian.

"MY FOOT WILL TRANSFORM INTO A FOOT UP YOUR ASS!" she shouted as Mishka, Gwen, and Tavi struggled to hold back her.

"Jane," Mishka said in her usual monotone voice. "Don't make me do the thing to you again,"

Jane froze for a bit before gritting her teeth. "You wouldn't dare..."

"Then stop,"

She grunted before pushing away the Russian's grasp and making her way to a seat. She sat down in a huff.

Then the team turned their attention to the Scout.

"What?"

"Merde," Laurel said with a sigh and facepalm.

* * *

"Mission begins in thirty seconds," a cold and deep voice boomed over the intercoms, as the RED team made last minute adjustments to their equipment.

"You ready doctor?" Mishka asked Francine.

"Mmm-what?" the German said drowsily before yawning.

"You should really get more sleep,"

"I know, Mishka..."

"We finish this fast and then we can go back so you can sleep, da?"

"Well, I guess so,"

"Just watch for Spies, me and Salvador will kill everyone else," she said as she hefted up the large minigun.

"Mission begins in ten seconds,"

The team made their way to the blast doors as the final countdown began.

"Five,"

"Four,"

"Three,"

"Two,"

"One..."

* * *

 **Back in the male TF2 universe**

"Scout get up! Now!" Engi yelled as he ripped the covers from his bed.

Scout snorted. "Five more minutes ma..."

"Heavy would you help me?" the Russian nodded as the two overturned Scout's bed.

"Augh, what the hell?" Scout said from under his bed. "Is it morning already?"

"No more like midnight,"

"Well then fuck you, I'm going back to sleep,"

"No can do Scout, we have a job to do,"

Scout sighed. "Can't this wait?"

Heavy pulled Scout out from under the overturned bed and draped him over his shoulder. "Scout will come or Heavy will make him,"

The three made their way to the living room where the others were waiting, Ms. Pauling was there as well.

"Had a nice nap Sleeping Beauty?" Soldier jeered at Scout.

Scout only grunted as Heavy put him down.

"Ok, since Scout's here now we can start," Ms. Pauling said.

"This better be important Pauling," said Sniper. "We still have a battle tomorrow,"

"It is Sniper," she responded. "About an half and hour ago a silent alarm was tripped at 2Fort, Administrator wants you guys to check it out,"

"Why us and not BLU?" Scout asked as he suppressed a yawn.

"The source of disturbance came from your side of 2Fort, mainly your spawn, and BLU mercs aren't allowed in your spawn,"

"Good grief,"

"Don't worry, Administrator is providing overtime pay for this, so don't think you're not doing this for nothing,"

"Then we better start going," said Spy. "The more time we spend here, the more time those intruder, or maybe _intruders_ , could get away whatever they're doing,"

"I'll get the van started," Sniper said as he left the living room.

* * *

"Oooh, that is a really bad headache,"

From what Francine could remember, she was ready to run out of spawn behind Mishka. But now she was on the ground with a splitting headache.

"Fuck, I hope I didn't pass out when the round started," she checked and made sure her weapons were still on her, a Crusader's Crossbow, stock Medi-Gun, and an Ubersaw, before looking around. She found her teammates on the ground, asleep. She slowly got to her feet and made sure each one of them were ok.

"What made us pass out?" she racked her brain for a possible solution before noticing the obvious. "Wait why is it dark outside?" she asked herself as she saw the moon. "I really hope we didn't lose the round,"

"What the hell is this?" a familiar voice cried out.

" _Jane,_ " Francine thought.

"This is no time for sleep, ladies, this is war!" she then proceeded to run towards the blast door, which, to both women's surprise, didn't open, and the American slammed full force into the metal door. "Sabotage! You BLU scum cheaters!"

While Jane ranted on, the other RED mercs slowly came to their senses.

"Note to self: drink at least a pint more of coffee before battle," Gwen said.

"Oh Mr. Pauling you are so sweet!" Nat said, still in her dream. "Oh of course we can get buckets of chicken..."

 **'SLAP!'**

She was slapped out of dream-like state by Laurel.

"What was that for?" Nat yelled at the Frenchwoman.

"You were still dreaming,"

"So?"

"It was getting awkward, you were about to kiss Amanda,"

Nat looked to her right and found she was extremely close to the pyrotechnic, causing her to blush slightly with embarrassment.

"..."

Amanda opened her respirator to talk. "Ah, don't worry about that Nat, we all get caught up in our fantasies every once in a while,"

" _More like every day for you,_ " Nat thought.

"So girls," Francine said. "Does anyone knows what happened?"

"All I remember was starting to run out of spawn, then this," Tavi said. The other members said the same as well.

"Ok so everyone passed out," Jane said. "But what witchery keeps us in here?"

"What?" Laurel asked, confused.

"The door, crouton. It's not opening,"

"She's right about that," Destiny said as she inspected the door. "Supposed to open when we're near it, but..."

"But what grease monkey?"

"Well the doors are controlled by a scanner that opens when we're by it, but either that scanner is broken or it doesn't recognize us," she started looking for the door mechanism. "I'll try see if the darn thing's broken,"

While Destiny worked on the door, the other mercs started to look around the spawn.

Amanda went over to her locker before spotting something unusual:

A purse.

A pink purse with a heart shaped latch. She eyed the thing with curiosity, she never owned a purse in her life, in fact, she hated them with a passion. If that was the case, then why was one in her locker?

"Ok who's the wise girl who put a purse in my locker?" she said. "You know I hate these prissy things,"

"Yeah, in addition, who put these alcohol drinks in _me_ locker?" Tavi said holding up a bottle of scrumpy. "I know me family owns a brewery but I don't drink!"

"Something's going on here sheilas," Gwen said. "These are definatly not our lockers, I mean, who keeps jars of urine in his or her's locker anyways?"

"Wait really?" Amanda said. "I wanna see!"

"Amanda why do you want to see jars of someone's urine?" Francine asked.

"Just to make sure it's not lemonade!"

Francine pinched the bridge of her nose. " _I must_ _re-recheck_ _Amanda's mental_ _health the next time I evaluate her,_ " she thought. "Destiny! You got somewhere yet?"

"For starters, I found the control box," she said as she fiddled with wall mounted control panel. "Ugh, I really hope I remember how this wor..." she suddenly stopped mid-sentence.

"You ok Des?"

"I think we have company,"

* * *

"I still don't know why the Administrator has to make us do this job?" Scout whined. "I mean she has the money and power to hire someone else to do this,"

"Scout, orders are orders," Spy said. "I'd be smart and not vex the most powerful woman in the world,"

Scout blew a raspberry. "Yeah, yeah,"

The RED team made their way to the main spawn of their side of 2Fort. None of them were happy about taking this midnight job, but the prospect of extra pay changed some of their minds.

"So where we going to check first?" Scout asked Engi.

"I think our spawns first," he replied. "If anything should happen to us, we can be sure that we'll respawn,"

"Speaking of respawn, did you find out what was causing the problem?" Medic asked.

"Nope, I swear that whatever breaks down there fixes itself as soon as I get there,"

"All right men, we shall attack whoever trespasses on this property and beat them senseless! ATTACK!" Soldier said as he ran towards the main spawn's blast doors.

"Great, if he keeps this up every possible intruder will be a mile away," Scout said.

 **'BOOM!'**

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!"

 **'THUNK!'**

An explosion blew the blast doors off their hinges and sent Soldier flying across the room. Luckily he landed on the ground before the blast doors embedded themselves inside the wooden wall a few inches above his head..

"What the bloody hell?" Demo said. The mercs readied their weapons as they waited for the smoke to clear.

"FREEDOM RAINS FROM EVERYWHERE!"

The mercs jumped at the sudden shout.

"Is it me or does that sound like a female Soldie-aaaugh?!" Scout said as something tackled him to the ground.

"Little Scout!" Heavy said, but before the huge Russian could do anything, he fell to the ground unconscious, a dart in his neck.

One by one each merc was subdued by an unknown assailant. The only merc still up was Soldier, who was still recovering from the initial blast. As he got up he noticed someone running towards him. He ducked down and avoided the first punch before returning one. It hit the attacker, who stumbled back a bit.

"Ha, you fight like a girl!" he jeered.

The attacked suddenly run towards him and slammed him into the wall using his or her's body. Only then he was able to see who his attacker was.

A woman dressed like him.

" _Sweet land of liberty,_ " he thought. " _She's perfect,_ "

"The reason I fight like a girl is because I AM ONE!" she shouted at him before knocking him out with a right hook.

* * *

 **A/N: So that's the next chapter. I wanted to make it longer, but it felt good just to leave it on a cliffhanger. Next chapter will have them interact, promise. Now excuse me while I work on The Rift and House of Luars, and the other stories I've neglected.**

 **Till next time,**

 **-D.W**


	4. Chapter 3: Meet the Teams

**A/N: Ditto. Holy cow, the favs and follows blew up since the last time. Not going to list them cause too much of a hassle for me.**

* * *

"That felt sooo good!" Jane said as she dropped the man.

As the smoke cleared, the women could see easily what the attackers looked like.

"Is it me, or does it look like they're wearing the same outfits as we are?" Francine asked as she looked over the man with similar clothes as her.

"It would appear so," Laurel said. "Could they be mercs like us?"

"No way crouton!" Jane yelled at the Spy. "Men do not belong on the battlefield; they belong in the kitchen at home!"

"Well these men do look like they are mercs, or at least someone equivalent of a merc," Destiny said.

"I think we have to wait for our answer," Francine said.

"Why?"

"We may have used a bit too much force for the takedown," she replied. "They're not waking up anytime soon, and no Tavi, they are not dead," she said as the demolition expert opened her mouth.

* * *

"Aww my head..." Scout said. He didn't know what just happened, but all he could remember was that someone or something tackled him and knocked him out. "Yo! Guys, you ain't dead are yah?" he asked his teammates as they were getting up.

Sniper grumbled something as he got up. "What the bloody hell just happen?"

"I feel like every bone in me body is broke..." Demo said groggily.

"Well, it had to be more than one person who took us down," Engi said. "There's no way one person could do that alone,"

"She is just as beautiful as Lady Liberty..." Soldier said.

The mercs looked at the patriot with confused looks. "What?" Scout said.

"You maggots did not see her, she was just as beautiful as our flag!"

"Who's this her, Soldier?" Engi asked.

"The woman who knocked me out! She had blond hair, and was wearing the same clothes as I was!"

"He's clearly delusional," Medic whispered to Spy.

"Isn't he always like that?" the Frenchman replied.

"Uh, mates..." Sniper said hesitantly.

"What is it bushman?"

"Don't move,"

"Why not?" Demo asked. "There isn't a bloody person in a mile of here," as he took a swig of his scrumpy, as he did though, the bottle suddenly broke, spilling the scrumpy all over him. "ACH! What the bloody hell?"

That's when the others could see it. A red dot centered itself on Demo's head.

"Demo...don't make any sudden movements..." Sniper said. "Just stay perfectly still..."

"Uh guys, I think we have bigger problems," Scout said, pointing to the two figures that emerged from the entrance to the battlements.

"Can we get to the grate?" Spy asked. But that was a no go too, as someone was blocking the entrance to the grate.

"Then we will fight our way out!" Soldier declared. That idea would've worked, if it wasn't for the fact that the mercs were surrounded by armed figures.

Then one of the figures stepped out into the light. Someone that Soldier already knew.

"Hey its you again! Come here sweetheart,"

The figure looked strikingly like Soldier, only the difference was that the figure was female, and had long, blonde hair. She ignored Soldier's catcalls and said,

"What the hell are you men doing on my battlefield?"

* * *

"What the hell are you men doing on my battlefield?" Jane said. "I want an answer now!"

"Uh, cause we work here?" the man that looked like Nat said. "What are you doing here?"

Jane went up to the man and gave him a left hook to the side of his face. "I ASK THE QUESTIONS HERE, NOT YOU!"

"Who do y'all work for?" Destiny asked.

"Redmond Mann," the man who was wearing her outfit said. "The CEO of Reliable Excavations and Demolitions,"

" _Funny, isn't Redmonda Mann the CEO?_ " she thought. "Who's the CEO of BLU?"

"Blutarch Mann,"

" _Bluince Mann is supposed to be the CEO of BLU_ ," she arched an eyebrow. " _Why are the names masculine and not feminine? Wait, I may have an idea of what's going on,_ "

"So y'all work for RED right?" she asked the men.

"We answered that already," male-Nat said. "Awwugh, I think my jaw's broken..."

"He means yes," male-Destiny said with a huff.

"And I'm assuming you're: the Scout, Soldier, Pyro, Demoman, Heavy, Engineer, Medic, Sniper, and Spy," she said, pointing to the corresponding man.

"How do you kn-"

"Its because we also work for RED," Francine said, catching on. "And we're those exact same classes,"

"When did RED start hiring women?" the Spy asked.

"Well when did RED start hiring men?" Jane said, her face in the Frenchmen's face.

"I'll get to the point already...considering half of you here have the learning capacity of a fifth-grader," Destiny mumbled the last part. "Are males considered the dominate sex here?"

"YES!" the Soldier said proudly. "Men are completely superior to any women on this planet, and I declare that I can kick each and every single one of your sissy a-"

 **'SMACK!'**

The Soldier was knocked out cold by Jane, who now looked as red as her uniform. Her right eye twitched unnaturally, while her left hand hovered back and forward over her Escape Plan that was on her belt.

"Where we're from _females_ are the dominate sex," Destiny continued. "See where I'm coming from?"

The entire group was silent as they processed the information. Slowly it dawned on them, well, most of them.

"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about hardhat," Nat said.

"Same here," the Scout said.

Amanda and the Pyro mumbled something, but it sounded like they were confused as well.

"I think I can dumb it down for the others, miss," the Engineer said. "Boys, these women here are us if we were women..."

"And likewise, these men are what we would be if we were men," Destiny finished.

* * *

An aging man sat in front of a large array of monitors. He had short, graying black hair and wore a purple suit and pants. He had a cold, emotionless expression that reeks of authority. His eyes narrowed at the monitors.

"Um, Administrator?"

The man turned around to find a younger man with short black hair, glasses, and a purple polo shirt tucked into black pants with a belt. He was carrying a clip board.

"What is it Mr. Pauling?" the older man asked. "Have you found the whereabouts of the RED mercs yet?"

"No, sir," he replied. "I've looked over 2Fort, twice, as well as all the other battlegrounds, each of their bases, and the entire state of New Mexico,"

The Administrator shifted in his seat.

"Shall I looked again sir?"

"No... these particular set of mercs on the RED are known to get themselves in the most absurd predicaments, yet they always find a way out," he explained. "Besides, we have a bigger problem than missing mercs," he motioned to a monitor showing BLU mercs fighting off robot attackers. "With Shannon out of the picture, these mercs are the last line of defense for Mann Co, see if you can find any help to aid BLU,"

"Yes sir!" the man said as he ran out of the room.

* * *

After the mess was sorted out, the tension between the two set of mercs eased to a point where each side could tolerate the other without bloodshed.

Francine was talking to Medic, and quickly found out that the male mercs never called each other by their first names.

"So you guys only call each other by your titles?" Francine asked.

"Ja, it's easier to remember and rolls off the tongue easier," Medic replied. "So I assume you have to contend with the antics that your team makes?"

"Ja, but it's not as bad as you think," she said. "Only Jane and Nat, our Scout and Soldier, are the ones who cause the most trouble, sometimes Amanda, our Pyro, but other than that everyone else gets along easily,"

"If only that could happen here," Medic said with a sigh.

"MY SPINE! MEDIC!" Soldier shouted.

The two Medics turned to find Soldier lying in a very painful position. Medic hurried over to check up on him. "What did you do now?"

"We were wrestling and I may have preformed a backbreaker on Soldier," Jane said sheepishly.

Francine could only facepalm at her teammate's recklessness. "The shit I have to put up with," she mumbled.

Meanwhile, the two Engineers were discussing on how the female mercs ended up at 2Fort. "...then there was a flash of light and boom, we're here," Destiny said.

"Well, there must be a logical explanation on how you gals got here," Engi said. "People just don't "show" up out of nowhere, especially people who claim to be from an alternate dimension,"

"It just did, cowboy,"

"Touché,"

"Oi! We should be heading back to HQ, blokes," Sniper said. "It's three in the morning and we still have to go to work,"

"Hey! What about us?" Nat shouted amid the commotion.

"You can stay here, the floor's nice and-" Scout said earning him a slap on the cheek. "Ow!"

"Guess we have to take them back to RED HQ with us," Spy said. "We have to share our facilities with them,"

"Is that a good idea, Spy?" Demo asked. "I mean they're lasses..."

"Then respect their privacy, you drunken wrench,"

"Like you ever do that," Sniper mumbled under his breath.

Spy shot Sniper a look. "All I'm trying to do is be a little hospitable, bushman,"

While the men were arguing, the women were having a conversation of their own.

"So what now?" Nat asked.

"We have to bunk with the men," Francine said. "And most likely stay with them until we can find a way to get back to our world,"

"It's not much, but it will have to do," said Laurel.

"How much different is this world than ours?" Tavi asked.

"Well, from what I can see, the only thing that may look different is the gender of people, like anyone in our world who was a woman is now a man and visa versa," said Destiny.

"If one peeks while I'm in the shower, then I'm going to take Mr. Sharpy and-" Gwen said.

"Ok, we get the idea, but I don't think any of the men are that low, well, maybe Scout..." Francine said.

"I can tell he's a perv already," said Nat.

"You're one too," Amanda said. "What about that time you tried to sneak a peek on-"

Nat blushed a deep red. "I-I-I-I didn't-I didn't try to sneak a peek on him!" she stuttered. "I just happened to walk in at the wrong time,"

Amanda put her hands on her hips. "Oh really, you went through the window,"

The other women were trying their hardest not to laugh at the Bostonian, who was redder then ever.

Francine was tapped on her shoulder. She turned to find Medic. "Oh hi Medic,"

He acknowledged the greeting with a nod. "C'mon, we're taking you back to HQ, so let's hurry. We have work in the morning," he said.

* * *

 **A/N: OK, so chapters like this were I'm introducing two sets of people is really hard for me to write. So yeah. But from now on it should be easier, unless I run out of ideas. Now bye.**

 **Till next time,**

 **-D.W**


	5. Chapter 4: RED HQ

**A/N: Oi, been kinda long. Anyways, here's the next chapter. Ditto.**

* * *

"And here we are home sweet home!" Scout said to the female mercs. The male RED HQ looked similar to the female's one, however looks can be deceiving at times.

"Ok when I look at it from this angle, I've just noticed that RED HQ looks very tacky," Destiny said. "Does our base look like that as well?"

"Eeeeeeeh, kinda hard to say," Nat replied.

The male mercs showed the females around the base, and, not surprising, it looked almost exactly the same as the female RED HQ.

"So where are we going to sleep?" Francine asked.

"We'll give you our rooms until we can find an adequate replacements room,"

"What?" Scout said in disbelief.

"Look, it is proper gentlemen etiquette," the Frenchman said. "You understand when you're older,"

"Well, uh, thanks Spy,"

"You're welcome mon cherie,"

Engi took a look at the clock and sighed loudly. "Shoot it's almost time to wake up already," he said. "Who's making breakfast today?"

"I am!" Soldier said. "I will make the breakfast fit for the President!" he raced out to the kitchen. As soon as he was out of an earshot, the men groaned.

"Ah piss," Sniper said. "Let me know when we're going to head out, I'll be at my van,"

"What's so bad?" Tavi asked. "Is his cooking not good?"

"No it's uneatable, Cyclops," Scout said. "I scraped that into a plant and it died, instantly, and it wasn't even a real plant,"

Every female merc shivered at the thought of what Soldier's cooking was capable of.

"What about the time it melted me spoon?" Demo added. "And it was bloody cold!"

"At least it's still food," Jane said as she crossed her arms. "You just can't stomach it,"

"I can assure you Ms. Doe, it is not food," Engi said. "I don't even think it can be called a thing anymore,"

"Wusses, I gonna see for myself," Jane walked away from the group to the kitchen.

"Um, I guess we should show the gals where their rooms are then, this way," he motioned to Destiny.

* * *

 _"There is no way someone can cook that bad,"_ Jane thought. _"It's not possible,"_

The female Soldier marched her way into the kitchen, only to find her assumption proven very, very wrong.

Soldier was happen to be cooking...what in the name of the President WAS he cooking in that pot?

"Soldier what the hell are you doing?" she demanded.

"Oh hello fellow American Jane," he said as he saluted her with the wooden stirring spoon still in his hand. "I am making breakfast grits!"

The so called "grits" did not look like grits at all. Jane felt her stomach flip a couple of times as she stared at the "grits". She gritted her teeth. This will not stand in her presence at all. "Soldier..."

"Yes?"

"Get rid of your cooking, NOW,"

"Why?"

"No questions, _soldier_ ,"

"Who do yo-"

 **'CLANG!'**

Soldier stopped talking as his helmet was slammed even further down by Jane's fist.

"Yes ma'am!" he said before running into a wall and collapsing on the ground. "I'm ok,"

* * *

"...and his skeleton was missing and the doctor was never heard from again!" Medic laughed. "Anyways that's how I lost my medical license,"

Francine chuckled. "I did that once," she said. The two were sitting inside the Med-Bay and were currently exchanging stories.

"Oh I assume you lost yours as well,"

"No...I was an interrogator for the Allies back in the war, I kinda had to do that to dispose of a body of a prisoner a fellow soldier pushed a little too far,"

"Oh...so you're still a doctor?"

"Nope, never was one,"

Medic's eyes widened in shock. "B-b-b-but how?"

"From watching," she replied. "You gotta keep the prisoners alive somehow,"

"That- that makes sense, I learned from experience as well. Learning from the book wasn't my thing either," he straightened his glasses. "So how do you cope with your teammates so well?"

"We bond well I guess, think of it as a sisterhood," she replied. "We have squabbles now and then but at the end of the day we're there for each other,"

"Hmmm..." Medic said.

"Yeah so..."

"Zzzzzzzzzzzz..."

Francine realized that the doctor had dozed off. "Medic, hey!" she said snapping her fingers.

He shot up. "Huh what? Oh sorry...I dozed off didn't I?" he said as he straightened his glasses. "Oh look at the time, almost time for work," he said with a sigh.

"Are you sure you're ready?" she asked him.

"Ja, I've stayed up late many times before like this," he put his coat on. "I'm used to it by now,"

"That's something I can relate to," Francine mumbled.

A blood stained bird landed on Medic's shoulder. "Archimedes! Have you been in the organs again? It's filthy in there,"

"Strange, I have a bird just like that as well back at our base,"

"And I guess he likes to bathe in blood as well,"

"Actually, it's the opposite, but he does help once in a while with some of my surgeries. I can help you teach him,"

"That would be nice, considering he's been in some places where birds are NOT supposed to be. Did I ever tell you the time where he was stuck inside Scout for some time...?"

* * *

"Lass your family owns a entire winery and you don't drink a drop?" Demo exclaimed. "What's this now?"

"I do, but only on certain occasions," Tavi replied. "I'm not a heavy drinker like you...uh Demo?"

Tavi sweat-dropped as the Scotsman passed out of the umpteenth time.

"Aye, and I thought Francine had weird sleeping patterns,"

"Hey is it time to come out now?"

"I guess so,"

A somewhat large, brown leather book appeared in front of her. It had two glowing red eyes and a mouth with a bomb inside it. She wasn't always owned by Tavi, the book, known as the Bombinomicon, was owned by some witch, who was accidentally killed by Tavi when she tripped over a broom Tavi left out and out a third story window. The witch then landed on some conveniently placed gardening tools.

The book was somewhat glad that it didn't have to stay with the witch anymore. Tavi decided to call "her" Bella, since her original name was a mouthful.

"You know I really hate staying in your pocket the entire time right?" the book said. "Why can't I stay out like now?"

"Cause it's not everyday people see a giant, floating, talking book of magic,"

Demoman suddenly snorted and woke up. "Anyone who thinks that they can beat then another...I'm so bloody DRUNK!" he blabbered. "Ach! What's this now!" he shouted.

"See what did I tell you?"

"That's the book that stole me eye!" he grabbed Bella. "Give me back me eye!" he shouted as he shook her.

Tavi snatched Bella out of Demo's hands. "Demo, I don't think that's a good idea," she said.

"Yeah...and I really want to puke now...stupid bomb," Bella choked out.

"Why do you have that devil book?"

"Let's just say I sorta killed her former owner, and she lives with me now,"

"You killed Merasmus?"

"Who?"

"The wizard that owns a book like that, Soldier's roommate as well," he said as he took a swig from his bottle. "It took me eye,"

"Did you ask for it back?"

"Not really, but we had to fight it once when Soldier angered Merasmus," he explained. "How'd you lose your eye? I bet it was that book,"

"Actually, no..."

"What?"

"I still have it," she lifted her eyepatch and showed that she still had an eye under it. "But...it doesn't work,"

Demo raised an eyebrow, but as he looked closer, he noticed the iris was slightly faded when compared to the other iris.

"What happened to it?" he asked.

Tavi flipped the eyepatch down and didn't respond, giving Demo the sign she didn't want to talk about it.

"Yo Demo!" Scout called as he knocked on the door. "We gotta go, you can stop playing with your girlfriend over there,"

"You take care of yourself, ok?" he said as he patted her on her shoulder. "Sorry about roughing your friend,"

Tavi watched as he left, as he did she signed.

"Did I make things worse?" Bella asked.

"No you didn't, I kinda led myself there," the Scot said in response. "Oi what's this?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed something in the corner of Demo's room.

A sword propped up on the wall.

She wondered why Demo would keep such a thing, considering his profession. Maybe it was his melee weapon? Tavi used a small club as hers, but she was unsure what Demo used. All things aside, she felt drawn to the blade.

"Tavi!" she heard Francine call. "Meeting now!"

"Coming!" she shouted back. Maybe later she would investigate the sword. As she left the room, Bella disappeared in a puff of smoke.

* * *

"So you nine claim to be the female versions of the RED mercs, am I right?" Ms. Pauling asked. "And you all came from a universe where everyone switched genders?"

"Yes, and yes ma'am," Destiny said.

"Well, considering you're technically part of RED, you're still under our control," the intern said. "Is that all right with you all, even though I doubt the contract still works,"

"As long as we get paid, Pauling," Gwen said as she pushed her sunglasses up. "We are getting paid are we?"

"And fighting," added Jane. "I want to smash some BLUs right now!"

"Um, well, about that...I don't think you girls...,"

"Are weak? Bullshit! Men are weak and I know it!" Jane spit into Pauling's face. "I once beat up fifty men in a bar with nothing but this shovel,"

"Can you let me finish? What I was going to say is because none of you are hooked up to Respawn, I don't want any of you to participate in the fighting. Don't want anyone to die, permanently,"

"Francine and ah can take a look at it," Destiny said. "Maybe we can do something to get us into the system, it should be similar to ours,"

"Ok, then with that settled, let me see what I can do to get you girls fighting. I'm quite interested in how BLU would handle this,"

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry for not updating for a while. So much things to do and not enough time to write. 'sweat drops'**

 **Till next time,**

 **-D.W**


End file.
